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Judaism is supposed to be about joy, and how we can infuse joy into all that we do. We just finished Simchat Torah, which literally means “the joy of the Torah”. The entire eight-day festival of Sukkot is known as Z’man Simchateinu, “the season of our joy”. A common phrase uttered when leaving a simcha is “nor af simchas”, may we merit another one. The gathering after Friday evening services is called Oneg Shabbat, a Shabbat delight. Mazal Tov and L’chayim permeate our vocabulary. Yet for those of us in Pittsburgh, despite our best efforts, it is not so during this time of year. With the observance of the seventh yahrtzeit of 10.27 on November 8 this year, we will have held six observances where we remember our departed. Permit me to list them for you for reference.

1. September 21 – Kever Avot. We visit the graves of our departed before the beginning of the New Year and offer memorial prayers. Tree of Life Congregation held a commemorative service on that date.
2. October 2 – Yizkor during Yom Kippur. At Tree of Life Congregation, it was a two-part service, as we recalled first 10.27 and then all our departed.
3. October 12 – The Jewish community remembered October 7, 2023.
4. October 14 – Shemini Atzeret. At Tree of Life Congregation, it was a tripartite observance. First, we remembered 10.27, then we remembered 10.7, and finally all our departed.
5. October 27 – this will be our seventh commemoration.
6. November 8 – this will be our seventh yahrtzeit.

I must ask the question: When is all this remembrance too much for us? I know for me each occasion to remember 10.27, particularly when I chant the special memorial prayer, takes a lot out of me. I worry that for many others, this is just too much. Good self-care tells me that holding six memorial services, two of them with more than one component, within six weeks, is not healthy. I struggle with balancing the need to be respectful of those we remember with my own good health, and possibly that of others who might feel the same way.

While I acknowledge that this is a uniquely Pittsburgh dilemma, I also suggest that, amidst all on our plate, it would be an important conversation to begin after November 8. Commemorations do evolve over time, and hopefully our trajectory in the healing process continues to move in a positive direction. There are those who would suggest that during this period, we take a few steps backwards before regaining the strength that we thought we had prior.

I’d like to remind you that if you are feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or just need someone to talk to, there are resources available for you. If you are unsure, please reach out to me so that I can help you on your journey. We are all on this long journey together, and it’s called “life”. I’m here to be your tour guide in whatever way I can. Together we will persevere to find joy.