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if you're happy and you know it

05/29/2025 09:38:12 AM

May29

Rabbi Jeffrey Myers

The May 4, 2025, edition of the NY Times Magazine was subtitled “The Happiness Issue”. It began with the observation that there are so many people out there telling us that we are an unhappy lot, but they have the solution. A quick browse through any bookstore (remember those?) will reveal a large quantity of titles. There are podcasts on the subject, and television personalities as well. All of them have the answer, or at least they think that they do. Perhaps it might be best to start with a definition. I found two sets of definitions, which are somewhat similar:

  1. Happiness can be defined as a state of well-being and contentment, encompassing feelings of joy and satisfaction. It can also be seen as a combination of enjoyment, satisfaction, and a sense of purpose or meaning in life. 
  2. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that encompasses a range of positive feelings, from contentment to intense joy. It is often associated with positive life experiences, such as achieving goals, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in enjoyable activities.

Happiness is complicated by the fact that it is the result that is the measure, not the path nor cause. Different experiences make each of us happy, and what makes one person happy might not make the next. Harvard University began what is now the lengthiest study of human beings in 1938. It began to learn about the habits of healthy young men, eventually evolving to surveying people over the course of their lives to learn what made them happy, and the results are in! Two factors determine the degree of happiness people experience in their lives. The first is a successful, sustained marriage. The second is continuous interaction with people. There are those who might scoff at the results, commenting that they knew these answers without an 87-year study. But I think that it is just a bit more complicated than that. Is there something in certain human DNA that will achieve greater happiness than others? How does the environment that one is raised in contribute to greater or lesser happiness? What about our jobs? These ongoing surveys asked the above-mentioned questions and many, many more. Taking the totality of the responses, the people overseeing this long-term project were able to announce the results I shared. Do you find them surprising, or perhaps you had a “now-that-I-think-about-it moment”? In modern parlance, those things that we do that bring us joy, either by ourselves or with others, are called “social nutrition”. It is a hunger that all humans have, and based upon this study, the ones who have the best “diet” will find themselves to be happiest. 

 

We read the following in Pirkei Avot 4:1: Ben Zoma taught: Who is rich? Those who are happy with their portion? One way to read this is to use the synonym “lot in life” for portion. What a profound observation that being rich has nothing to do with the acquisition of wealth. Rather, we are at our happiest when we accept our lot in life and make the best of it. And Ben Zoma observed this 2,000 years ago. 

I’d like to rewrite his quote to change our perspective: Those who are the happiest with their portion are the richest. The world’s wealthiest man said in a March 2024 interview that he takes ketamine injections (ketamine is used as an anesthetic and to treat depression). Apparently great wealth does not bring happiness, but I think you already know this. Being surrounded by family brings happiness, especially grandchildren! Being engaged in activities that continue to bring joy defines happiness. Enjoying the work that you do brings happiness. Finding time for special avocations brings happiness. Coming to shul on Shabbat brings happiness (I’m a Rabbi/Hazzan. Of course I would say this!). 

According to the statistics from the National Center for Health Statistics, as of 2023, 12.7% of Americans over age 12 took antidepressants, but even more surprising was that, as of July 2024, nearly 25% of college students took antidepressants. The problem with statistics of this type is that there are insufficient qualifiers to offer more of a breakdown, as depression can have biological, psychological and social causes. How many suffer from depression due to their personal biochemistry, how many have experienced physical illness, how many have had overwhelming emotional experiences, versus how many were just unhappy? What is clear is that there are a lot of unhappy people out there, and it seems to be persistent. We cannot always control the circumstances in our lives, but there is much that we can control. Most important is to focus on wellness in all its segments, so that we can on average achieve a high level of happiness on a regular basis. For those familiar with Yiddish, upon leaving a gathering, regardless of its purpose, a common valediction or farewell is Nor Af Simchas, meaning “May we merit more Simcha”. We’ve had it right all along. Bringing more Simcha into our lives is an imperative. May we all be privileged to have our cups overflow with Simcha.  

Sat, June 14 2025 18 Sivan 5785