Blog

As a child, my summers were spent at the Jersey Shore (natives never call it the beach). You learned how to swim, navigate waves, handle rip tides, and body surf. I’ll never forget the day my parents bought me a boogie board. I was in heaven! I was thinking of that as the Groundbreaking approached. As people asked me what I expected from the day, I opened myself to my childhood boogie board, and chose to let it take me wherever it goes.

I was honored to have a front row seat with my wife, and sat listening to the members of the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra who volunteered their time and talents. I found myself looking at the empty shell of the main sanctuary, this now iconic symbol known worldwide.  I saw the emptiness of the space where once stood the social hall, the pavilion and Pervin Chapel. My mind wandered to the unanswerable thoughts that plague me.  I shouldn’t be sitting here. Why us? I’m about to hear speaker after speaker utter the familiar memes: the site of the worst attack upon the Jewish community in the United States; the perniciousness of antisemitism; eleven victims; the corrosion of American values. I began reciting to myself the opening words of my favorite Psalm, the 121st: I lift my eyes to the heavens; from whence shall come my help? My help comes from God, Maker of the heavens and earth. I slowed my breathing and imagined my boogie board. 

Earlier that morning I sat with Wolf Blitzer from CNN in our Zittrain Gardens on a park bench. He had read some things that I have written, and asking me about my use of the word “healing” when people wonder how I’m doing. I answered that there are those who state that they’ve healed, and I am so happy for them. As for me, I’m in a constant state of healing. The reminders of 10.27 are all around me: I’m my own reminder; in my home; just driving by the Tree of Life; signs on lawns and businesses that continue to promote “Stronger Than H”; people from all walks of life that I meet who share with me their personal recollections of that day. It’s inescapable.  You learn to integrate the entire experience into your being, and hope that the tools in your tool box work when needed. Usually they do; occasionally they just don’t. Such is the life of this survivor.

My big takeaway from the day is a supreme sense of gratitude. Had it not been for that fateful day, I would have not had the privilege of having so many wonderful people and experiences in my life, although I’d rather not have had my life threatened to achieve it. My gratitude to our first responders will remain infinite. Elected officials, both current and former, continue to be supportive. Even the former Israeli Consul General, Dani Dayan, who is currently Director of Yad Vashem, flew in, much to my complete surprise and sheer delight. Clergy from all faiths came in a beautiful showing of interfaith support. People from so many parts of my life came in, to offer a joyous hug, a warm greeting, and a loving comment like “I wouldn’t have missed this”.

As my boogie board came to rest, I looked back with a full heart, and the word “gratitude” painted on its side. The journey continues, as we just turned another page in the first-of-its-kind book that we are writing to begin the next chapter.  There are still many chapters to be written.  My gratitude to all these people in my life embraces me, holds me aloft, and encourages me to move forward. Thank You God, for answering my question.